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November 24, 2021
Double Entendres from Sport

Some of the finest double entendres on British TV & Radio

Michael Burke on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edward's tyre choice on World Superbike racing:
"Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning TV:
"She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead:
"Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe:
"With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:
"What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away...
"My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said:
"They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said:
"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,
"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator -
"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ....

.. Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

Metro Radio football match commentary -
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 -
"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator -
"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator -
"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator -
"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

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November 27, 2022
Jingle Bell Rock

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring
Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun
Now the jingle hop has begun

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time
Dancin' and prancin' in Jingle Bell Square
In the frosty air

What a bright time, it's the right time
To rock the night away
Jingle bell time is a swell time
To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh

Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet
Jingle around the clock
Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet
That's the jingle bell rock

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Jingle bell chime in jingle bell time
Dancin' and prancin' in Jingle Bell Square
In the frosty air

What a bright time, it's the right time
To rock the night away
Jingle bell time is a swell time
To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh

Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet
Jingle around the clock
Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet
That's the jingle bell
That's the jingle bell
That's the jingle...

00:02:04
September 01, 2021
Intro to Locals for the Conservative Voice

David Daniel Ball calls himself the Conservative Voice.

I'm a teacher with three decades experience teaching math to high school kids.I also work with first graders and kids in between first grade and high school. I know the legends of why Hypatia's dad is remembered through his contribution to Math theory. And I know the legend of why followers of Godel had thought he had disproved God's existence.

I'm not a preacher, but I am a Christian who has written over 28 books all of which include some reference to my faith. Twelve blog books on world history and current affairs, detailing world events , births and marriages on each day of the year, organised by month. Twelve books on the background to and history of Bible Quotes. One Bible quote per day for a year. An intro to a science fiction series I'm planning, post apocalyptic cyber punk. An autobiography with short story collections.

I'm known in Australia for my failure as a whistleblower over the negligence death of a school boy. ...

00:01:50
September 11, 2025
Charlie Kirk blues

"Take up the truth, y’all, let your voice be heard, Stand tall for freedom, spread Kirk’s fearless word. Face the storm with courage, don’t you ever bend, Speak the facts, keep fightin’, till the world’s on the mend."

https://suno.com/s/YNGTe539O3rdixRF
(Verse 1)
I was born in the heartland, where the prairies meet the sky,
With a fire in my soul, and a truth that won’t die.
Loved my God up above, with a faith strong and true,
My wife and my children, they’re my anchor, my crew.
(Chorus)
Oh, Charlie Kirk, singin’ the blues,
Fightin’ for freedom, with nothin’ to lose.
In the halls of the angry, where the shouts never end,
I stood with my facts, and I’d do it again.
(Verse 2)
I walked them college roads, where the crowds would scream and yell,
Debatin’ in the fire, where the strident censors dwell.
With a table and a sign, I’d call ‘em out to fight,
Used facts and steady reason, to cut through the dark of night.
(Chorus)
Oh, Charlie Kirk, singin’ the blues,
Fightin’ for freedom, with nothin’ to lose.
Against the mob’s ...

September 05, 2025
Great commission blues

(Outro - Spoken or sung softly over a fading guitar riff)
"Now listen, friend, these hard times ain't the end,
Jesus got all authority, he’s callin’ you to mend.
Go out, share his love, lift a soul from the dust,
Make disciples, spread the word, in his promise we trust."
Like, share and, leave a comment. I read all comments

(Verse 1 - Spoken intro like an old field holler, then into 12-bar blues)
Oh Lord, in these hard times, dust blowin' 'cross the plain,
I hear the Master's voice callin' through the pourin' rain.
He say, "All authority in heaven and earth is mine,"
Yeah, all that power given to me, gonna ease your troubled mind.
(Chorus - AAB pattern)
Go and make disciples, from the city to the shore,
Go and make disciples, from the city to the shore,
Baptize 'em in the name of Father, Son, and Spirit evermore.
(Verse 2)
Brother lost his job, sister cryin' in the night,
Ain't no bread on the table, future out of sight.
But Jesus say, "Teach 'em all I ...

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August 22, 2025
Ode to resolve, in style of Psalm

Do you agree with France, UK and, Australia that the Iranian planned invasion of Israel by Hamas, siezing hostages and killing and raping innocent civilians, is worthy of statehood? Israel has for over seventy years offered peace, even offering land for security. But, now, Israel is resolved to provide security, and police, Gaza, ensuring Hamas has no role.
Make a song in ancient Jewish tradition of their Gaza objective. Include how they repeatedly offered peace to Hamas, but were spurned. Trump warned Hamas of what would happen if they failed to return the hostages. They refused. Include how UN and Europe have emboldened Hamas to not return the hostages. Include how Hamas has deliberately starved her own people to blame Israel.
Ode to Resolve: A Lament in the Style of Ancient Psalms
(In the tradition of biblical Hebrew poetry, such as the Psalms of David or the Song of Moses, this song employs parallelism, rhythmic repetition, and themes of divine justice, oppressed people, and unyielding foes. It is structured with verses (stanzas) and a...

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Ballad of Jampijinpa: A Warlpiri Dreamtime Bambi in the Tanami Desert
improved marketing on Rumble
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Journey to the Tanami Desert with the Ballad of Jampijinpa, a Warlpiri Jukurrpa retelling of Bambi. Follow Jampijinpa, a young red kangaroo, as he learns the sacred laws of his Country from Napangardi, faces dangers like the machine’s shadow, and rises as a leader under the Seven Sisters’ stars. This Dreamtime story celebrates Warlpiri culture, resilience, and connection to the land. Comment your favorite Indigenous story below! Subscribe for more Warlpiri tales and join my Locals for exclusive Jukurrpa insights.
The story of Bambi is, for many, their first encounter with profound loss. Writing this story in Warlpiri Dreamtime, Tanami Desert context. Loss is part of life, yet life goes on. But, a good life, serving the community is also important. How do Indigenous stories like Jampijinpa’s inspire you?
 
Notes on the Adaptation: Setting and Characters: The Tanami Desert replaces the forest, with native animals (red kangaroo, dingo, mallee fowl, perentie) as characters, reflecting the local ecology. Warlpiri skin names (Jampijinpa, Napangardi, etc.) root the characters in kinship systems, central to Warlpiri identity. Jukurrpa: The Dreamtime frames the story as a sacred narrative, where loss and growth are part of the land’s law. The “shadow” (a machine) nods to modern intrusions like mining, a real threat in the Tanami, but keeps the story timeless. Themes: Bambi’s coming-of-age becomes a journey of learning country and law, emphasizing Warlpiri values of responsibility and connection. The mother’s death and the fire echo Bambi’s trials but are grounded in desert realities. Cultural Respect: I avoided inventing sacred details or mimicking restricted Warlpiri stories, focusing on universal elements (land, kinship, survival) informed by public Warlpiri narratives, like those shared in art or ethnographies.
 
The Ballad of Jampijinpa In Tanami’s heart where the spinifex sways, ‘Neath the Jukurrpa’s first starlit blaze, The ancestors carved from the red desert’s hand, Young Jampijinpa, to guard sacred land.
Chorus: Oh, Jampijinpa, with bounds swift and free, Carry the law of your country’s decree. Through sand and through sorrow, your spirit will roam, In the Tanami’s dreaming, you’ll always find home.
Napangardi taught him the desert’s old ways, Where soakages shimmer through blistering days. The bilby’s soft tracks led to yams in the ground, And the wind whispered tales when no rain could be found. With Jangala, dingo, he leaped o’er the plain, While Nungarrayi tidied the earth’s ancient pain. The oaks sang of patience, the elders stood near, Their ochre-lit eyes guiding young kangaroo’s fear. But dawn brought a shadow, a roar cold as stone, A machine’s cruel hunger tore flesh from the bone. Napangardi fell, her spirit took flight, To the ancestors’ campfire in the starwoven night.
Chorus: Oh, Jampijinpa, with bounds swift and free, Carry the law of your country’s decree. Through sand and through sorrow, your spirit will roam, In the Tanami’s dreaming, you’ll always find home.
Alone, he wandered, his heart like a stone, The sand stung his eyes, and the silence did moan. But Japangardi rose, scales gleaming bright, “You’re never lost, son, in the Jukurrpa’s light.” The bilby taught digging, the oak whispered peace, Nungarrayi scratched paths where the stories increase. Jangala’s yips brought a laugh to the blaze, And Jampijinpa grew strong through the desert’s hard days. Then Nakamarra, with dawn in her gaze, Danced by his side through the sandhills’ soft maze. But fire returned, born of shadow’s old sin, Yet Jampijinpa led kin to the soakage within.
Chorus: Oh, Jampijinpa, with bounds swift and free, Carry the law of your country’s decree. Through sand and through sorrow, your spirit will roam, In the Tanami’s dreaming, you’ll always find home.
Atop the red dune, his shadow stretched far, A keeper of law ‘neath the desert’s bright star. The elders now sing from their camp in the sky, And Jampijinpa’s tracks never fade, never die.
Final Chorus: Oh, Jampijinpa, your story’s been spun, A thread in the Jukurrpa, forever begun. The Tanami dreams, and its stars softly call, For the kangaroo’s heart that will never grow small.
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