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November 29, 2021
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Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: "The Gate of Heaven". Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."

Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma, AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A young girl answered: "Because they couldn't get a babysitter."

Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. "What denomination?" Asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."

Pastor: "This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."

Rev. H.J. Dick, pastor of Emmaus Mennonite Church near Whitewater, KS, came to the end of a very heavy day at the New Year's Eve midnight service. Getting his tongue tangled, he announced, "Let us now stand and sing, Another Dear is Yawning."

On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer arrived at the village church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess we won't have a service today." The farmer replied: "Heck, if even only one cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it."

During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means - 'Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!' "

A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer? "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7".

I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to Heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?" I said, "God tells me." Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

From the Churchdown Parish Magazine: 'Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church, labelled "For The Sick", is for monetary donations only.'

From The Guardian concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand: 'Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.'

From The Times 'A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast-guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common these days."'

From The Gloucester Citizen: 'A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialling an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled "Hear Me Moan" the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house. Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, "He got what he deserved."'

From The Barnsley Chronicle: 'Police arrived quickly, to find Mr Melchett hanging by his fingertips from the back wall. He had run out of the house when the owner, Paul Finch, returned home unexpectedly, and, spotting an intruder in the garden, had dialled 999. What Mr Finch did not know was that Mr Melchett had been visiting Mrs Finch and, hearing the front door open, had climbed out of the rear window. But the back wall was 8 feet high and Mr Melchett had been unable to get his leg over.'

From The Scottish Big Issue: 'In Sydney, 120 men named Henry attacked each other during a "My Name is Henry" convention. Henry Pantie of Canberra accused Henry Pap of Sydney of not being a Henry at all, but in fact an Angus. "It was a lie", explained Mr. Pap, "I'm a Henry and always will be.", whereupon Henry Pap attacked Henry Pantie, whilst two other Henrys - Jones and Dyer - attempted to pull them apart. Several more Henrys - Smith, Calderwood and Andrews - became involved and soon the entire convention descended into a giant fist fight. The brawl was eventually broken up by riot police, led by a man named Shane."

From The Daily Telegraph in a piece headed "Brussels Pays 200,000 Pounds to Save Prostitutes": "... the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels."

From The Derby Abbey Community News: "We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr. Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce."

From The Guardian: "After being charged 20 pounds for a 10 pounds overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to "Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist Bastards". The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name."

From The Manchester Evening News: "Police called to arrest a naked man on the platform at Piccadilly Station released their suspect after he produced a valid rail ticket."

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November 27, 2022
Jingle Bell Rock

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring
Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun
Now the jingle hop has begun

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time
Dancin' and prancin' in Jingle Bell Square
In the frosty air

What a bright time, it's the right time
To rock the night away
Jingle bell time is a swell time
To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh

Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet
Jingle around the clock
Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet
That's the jingle bell rock

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Jingle bell chime in jingle bell time
Dancin' and prancin' in Jingle Bell Square
In the frosty air

What a bright time, it's the right time
To rock the night away
Jingle bell time is a swell time
To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh

Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet
Jingle around the clock
Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet
That's the jingle bell
That's the jingle bell
That's the jingle...

00:02:04
September 01, 2021
Intro to Locals for the Conservative Voice

David Daniel Ball calls himself the Conservative Voice.

I'm a teacher with three decades experience teaching math to high school kids.I also work with first graders and kids in between first grade and high school. I know the legends of why Hypatia's dad is remembered through his contribution to Math theory. And I know the legend of why followers of Godel had thought he had disproved God's existence.

I'm not a preacher, but I am a Christian who has written over 28 books all of which include some reference to my faith. Twelve blog books on world history and current affairs, detailing world events , births and marriages on each day of the year, organised by month. Twelve books on the background to and history of Bible Quotes. One Bible quote per day for a year. An intro to a science fiction series I'm planning, post apocalyptic cyber punk. An autobiography with short story collections.

I'm known in Australia for my failure as a whistleblower over the negligence death of a school boy. ...

00:01:50
The Wanderer and three Goanna

How can we, like Jupurrurla, balance our curiosity with respect for the boundaries of others and our environment, making amends when needed to strengthen our communities and honor our shared heritage? Like comment and subscribe. I read all comments

English Folk Song: The Wanderer and the Three Goannas

Lyrics (Based on the Warlpiri Story):

(Verse 1)
In the Tanami’s glow, where the spinifex sways,
Jupurrurla roamed through the desert’s warm days.
Her curious heart found a camp in the shade,
Where three goannas’ coolamons a feast had arrayed.

(Chorus)
Oh, the wanderer bold, ‘neath the starlit sky’s gleam,
Met the three goannas in the Desert’s dream.
With a heart full of truth, she learned to amend,
Wove the land and its kin in a song without end.

(Verse 2)
Father’s tomatoes sharp, Mother’s ants far too sweet,
But Little Goanna’s wattle warmed her heart’s beat.
On their mats she tried rest—too rough, then too slick—
Till the small one’s weave held her dreams soft and quick.

(Chorus)
Oh, the wanderer bold, ‘neath the starlit sky’s gleam,
Met the three goannas in the Desert’s dream.
...

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America Party, Star Spangled Visionaries?

I'm a little disappointed with my video. I couldn't put in the images I curated. But I stand by it. I am contributing to the debate over America Party. I'm a MAGA supporter always preferred GOP, despise RINO. I likely will never vote AP, but I welcome their existance in US Democracy, noting Dem's have utterly failed.

If the Democrat party is a corrupt, and ultimately spent force, what replaces it? Should we wait for a head to grow back? Or, should we look back to the vision of Jefferson and Adams? What is your preference for the future? I read all comments. Please like and subscribe.

Below is a prog rock song in the style of Emerson, Lake & Palmer, characterized by grandiose lyrical imagery, complex narrative structure, and a blend of theatrical pomp with driving rhythms and intricate keyboard flourishes. The song, titled "Star-Spangled Visionaries," celebrates the America Party led by Elon Musk as an alternative to a corrupt Democratic establishment, draws parallels to the Jefferson-Adams ...

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Celebrating Big Beautiful Bill

Independence Day is a time for celebration. Here are some of the things this bill does. Doesnt it feel good to stop corruption and instead pay for what is needed? --- ### Ballad of the Big Beautiful Bill

Verse 1 Oh, gather 'round, ye hearts of cheer, this Independence Day, The Big Beautiful Bill has passed, and swept the rot away! No more the corrupt shall feast on bribes, their pockets lined with greed, The poor and lost now claim their due, their aid secured with speed.

Chorus Sing hallelujah, raise the flag, let freedom’s anthem soar, The truth has triumphed, justice reigns, from shore to shining shore! With open hearts and fearless dreams, we’ll build a world anew, The Bill has freed our spirits bold, and hope comes shining through!

Verse 2 The pharma lords, with wicked schemes, no longer spread their lies, Diseases sown for profit’s gain now wither 'neath our eyes. No more shall global bodies fake a warming doom’s decree, Fossil fuels, abundant, cheap, will power liberty!

...

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Ballad of Jampijinpa: A Warlpiri Dreamtime Bambi in the Tanami Desert
improved marketing on Rumble
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Journey to the Tanami Desert with the Ballad of Jampijinpa, a Warlpiri Jukurrpa retelling of Bambi. Follow Jampijinpa, a young red kangaroo, as he learns the sacred laws of his Country from Napangardi, faces dangers like the machine’s shadow, and rises as a leader under the Seven Sisters’ stars. This Dreamtime story celebrates Warlpiri culture, resilience, and connection to the land. Comment your favorite Indigenous story below! Subscribe for more Warlpiri tales and join my Locals for exclusive Jukurrpa insights.
The story of Bambi is, for many, their first encounter with profound loss. Writing this story in Warlpiri Dreamtime, Tanami Desert context. Loss is part of life, yet life goes on. But, a good life, serving the community is also important. How do Indigenous stories like Jampijinpa’s inspire you?
 
Notes on the Adaptation: Setting and Characters: The Tanami Desert replaces the forest, with native animals (red kangaroo, dingo, mallee fowl, perentie) as characters, reflecting the local ecology. Warlpiri skin names (Jampijinpa, Napangardi, etc.) root the characters in kinship systems, central to Warlpiri identity. Jukurrpa: The Dreamtime frames the story as a sacred narrative, where loss and growth are part of the land’s law. The “shadow” (a machine) nods to modern intrusions like mining, a real threat in the Tanami, but keeps the story timeless. Themes: Bambi’s coming-of-age becomes a journey of learning country and law, emphasizing Warlpiri values of responsibility and connection. The mother’s death and the fire echo Bambi’s trials but are grounded in desert realities. Cultural Respect: I avoided inventing sacred details or mimicking restricted Warlpiri stories, focusing on universal elements (land, kinship, survival) informed by public Warlpiri narratives, like those shared in art or ethnographies.
 
The Ballad of Jampijinpa In Tanami’s heart where the spinifex sways, ‘Neath the Jukurrpa’s first starlit blaze, The ancestors carved from the red desert’s hand, Young Jampijinpa, to guard sacred land.
Chorus: Oh, Jampijinpa, with bounds swift and free, Carry the law of your country’s decree. Through sand and through sorrow, your spirit will roam, In the Tanami’s dreaming, you’ll always find home.
Napangardi taught him the desert’s old ways, Where soakages shimmer through blistering days. The bilby’s soft tracks led to yams in the ground, And the wind whispered tales when no rain could be found. With Jangala, dingo, he leaped o’er the plain, While Nungarrayi tidied the earth’s ancient pain. The oaks sang of patience, the elders stood near, Their ochre-lit eyes guiding young kangaroo’s fear. But dawn brought a shadow, a roar cold as stone, A machine’s cruel hunger tore flesh from the bone. Napangardi fell, her spirit took flight, To the ancestors’ campfire in the starwoven night.
Chorus: Oh, Jampijinpa, with bounds swift and free, Carry the law of your country’s decree. Through sand and through sorrow, your spirit will roam, In the Tanami’s dreaming, you’ll always find home.
Alone, he wandered, his heart like a stone, The sand stung his eyes, and the silence did moan. But Japangardi rose, scales gleaming bright, “You’re never lost, son, in the Jukurrpa’s light.” The bilby taught digging, the oak whispered peace, Nungarrayi scratched paths where the stories increase. Jangala’s yips brought a laugh to the blaze, And Jampijinpa grew strong through the desert’s hard days. Then Nakamarra, with dawn in her gaze, Danced by his side through the sandhills’ soft maze. But fire returned, born of shadow’s old sin, Yet Jampijinpa led kin to the soakage within.
Chorus: Oh, Jampijinpa, with bounds swift and free, Carry the law of your country’s decree. Through sand and through sorrow, your spirit will roam, In the Tanami’s dreaming, you’ll always find home.
Atop the red dune, his shadow stretched far, A keeper of law ‘neath the desert’s bright star. The elders now sing from their camp in the sky, And Jampijinpa’s tracks never fade, never die.
Final Chorus: Oh, Jampijinpa, your story’s been spun, A thread in the Jukurrpa, forever begun. The Tanami dreams, and its stars softly call, For the kangaroo’s heart that will never grow small.
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